hollow thoughts

Manifestations of my most personal thoughts rush to the surface of a crumbling wall, embodying an entity of conscious conflictions that hides behind a mask of superficial tissue. Under the confusion and behind a lit cigarette I try to make sense of memories playing in my mind like scenes from a movie I saw too long ago to remember, yet still I try to imagine the details that erupted this state of mental catastrophe. When did it go sour?

What once was my Eden is now a mirage. The streets of my own personal El Dorado are now baron and cold with the remembrance of happiness.   The complexity of my predicament grows with each passing hour. Every bellow thrown from the sidelines feeds this bewildered monster to the point of self obliteration. How do I stop this?

I've been the wounded while also being the attacker. The offended, indignant souls that are us have developed into apathetic shells of paranoia and malice in anticipation of the next upsetting move from one another. Our strongest attribute has now become our best weapon. My lover has become my enemy and our love has become my crutch. How long will this last?

You dart through my thoughts in your purest form, untainted with the antagonism of my actions or the indignity of yours that now pollute my veins with suppressed damage. Vulnerability is no longer a preference for either of us. We stand Hidden behind a veil of resilient fabrication just so our predator doesn't detect emotional weakness.

With a single gust of breath the smoke clears my lungs and I'm left where I started, stuck in an immortal Polaroid of our once beautiful existence unknown to what's factual or wrong.